From Such Great Heights

I have a confession to make and it is an uncomfortable one. I am afraid of heights. Sometimes.

Today we drove fifteen minutes southeast to the Carmel National Park. The main road goes along the ridgeline and it begins to feel like you are driving into the sky. After entering the park, we turned left onto a one lane road and I could see up ahead another left turn and then nothing but clouds and sky. I froze and eventually backed up, and drove back out to the parking lot along the main road.

We had a decent walk and were able to locate the trailhead we had initially planned to drive to on the way out. I ended up driving that same side road from the other direction and it was okay. We didn’t careen over the edge. It was okay. Really.

The frustrating thing about this is I realize it is irrational. As a child, I had recurring dreams about falling and the sensation still freaks me out. It doesn’t always happen, but basically I feel light-headed and a little dizzy. It is sometimes hard to stand up. It may be a panic attack but also could be vertigo. Usually, this involves being close to the edge and having a direct line of sight down. As someone who prides himself on discipline and self-control, the clear lack of self-control during these situations is alarming and humiliating.

A few weeks ago, Adena, Aviva, and I took the bus to the Stella Maris monastery here in Haifa.

This is the upper terminus of the Haifa cable car located across the street from Stella Maris. Long story short, here are photos of Adena and Aviva riding the cable car down the mountain and back up. I didn’t tag along.

Living in Illinois for the past nine years has meant that I really didn’t have to think about this very much. Here in Haifa, this issue has re-asserted itself. It doesn’t make a lot of sense. I fly in airplanes and sit in the window seat. I have been to the top of the Empire State Building. I like hiking and I even took the cable car in Portland two years ago with my friend Dave. Full disclosure: it took about fifteen minutes for me to actually board the cable car, but I did it (Dave is unusually patient). Maybe the solution is to use this time here in Haifa to work through this with repeated exposure.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

These photos are not from the hike we expected, but from the trail that led down from the main parking lot.